The Ghost of Christmas Past......

The whirlwind hustle bustle of another Christmas season has come and gone and now is the time to reflect and prepare for the New Year ahead.

This Christmas was rather different for me. I had a bit of a difficult time getting into the Christmas Spirit, I felt like I was dragging.... procrastinating (more than I usually do). Now looking back. a few days later, I think maybe a part of me was trying to hold on to the past. This was the first Christmas in 5 years that I've been single and even though the relationship was very unhealthy a part of me was sad that I am no longer "we". I was bound and determined that things were going to end well and we'd stay friends, but he has seen to it that that is completely impossible. So I kept trying to do all the things I had planned for Christmas; baking, card making, present making, shopping, etc, and it never got completely done. As usual I was staying up late and running around last minute trying to do it all. Then I finally decided "it all" wasn't going to get done. I'd do what I could and that would have to do.....and surprisingly it did!!

On Christmas Eve I had planned on finishing a couple of things, after work, before heading to Raymond. But my plans got drastically changed. Near the end of my day Robert decided to show up at the bank - at first he was all smiles and everything until I reminded him he was no longer part of my life and would not be coming with me to Raymond (duh!), then he started threatening me. I remained calm and told him to leave, but inside he had rattled me. In retrospect I'm glad this happened. It scared me enough to know that he can turn his emotions on and off like a light switch. It shook me up enough to know that I could never retain any kind of relationship with him because the only thing he wants is complete control. And it made me realize that I am strong enough to make it on my own.

So, I went to Raymond for Christmas and had a great time as just me, proud of myself for not giving in and knowing that what is most important are Christmas present and the Christmas' yet to come, being with my family, and most of all being with me.... the real me (someone I happen to like and admire a lot).